Life update: Facing my fears

Schermafdruk 2016-03-03 11.04.22

So today (Wednesday) I feel like writing because it’s my first day back to school. I’m following classes from 12-17 and I’m extremely nervous! You might be thinking “gee woman, I thought facing your fears meant wrestling a bear or jumping out of a burning air plane!” Well, you thought wrong.

Don’t worry: this is not a post full of complaints and sob stories.

I don’t have to start yet as the classes now are still focussed on the project I already finished, but I feel it is best to slowly get used to being at school. Refresh my knowledge, get used to being focussed again etc.

Today

I was getting nervous and felt some anxiety coming up. Walking around my house, checking everything 10 times… However, it motivated me to do the dishes and clean all of the extra kitchen space I have so that was nice. Clear your house, clear your head 😉 What a little stress can do for your household…!

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Monthly planner and to do lists from Team Confetti: love this!

And now I’m here. I already followed three hours of class and even though I didn’t really learn anything new it feels sort of good to be back. Nothing changed, that’s for sure. The students I’m in a group with (around 150 of them) are very different though. There was a lot of chatting and not showing up for classes in my own year, but this is even worse. Makes it harder for me to concentrate when there is all this noise around me.

It’s also weird to be by myself. It feels safer to be in a group of people you know, but I’m sure this is a good learning opportunity as well. Maybe I’ll meet some new people, who knows.

Blogging on the beanbags in my spare time
Blogging on the beanbags in my spare time

Slowly getting there

The first 3 hours of class were very difficult to follow as there was all this chatter around me. Unfortunately this teacher doesn’t really control the group… The restless group made it hard for me to concentrate and get used to being at school.

Luckily the last hours of the day were given by my all time favourite teacher. He’s this older guy who will always remind us that he is from Scotland. “Is this thing broken? My culture tells me to hit something!”  

The subject he teaches is rather difficult and somewhat boring (Economics) but he always manages to bring his knowledge across. Everyone is silent: maybe because of his stories, but perhaps more because he’ll burn you to the ground if you’re not!

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He’ll insult the people who are talking/on their phones/opened their laptops in a mean but funny way. “YOU! Over there! You think you’re invisible?! Well, not with those ears!” Sometimes harsh, but always funny for the people who are “safe”. After all, if you simply pay attention (or don’t show up to class if you don’t intend to be quiet) you’re not in danger. And he’ll be very nice if you answer one of his questions correctly.

In a weird way, this lecture was what I needed. I understood the subject he was discussing, actually enjoyed listening to his various examples and had to laugh many times when there was someone who forgot the “no phone rule”. (“If there’s one thing I learned about love, lady in the blue shirt, it’s that you can’t smother people! Leave the poor fella aloooone! You can’t make him love you you know. Put. the phone. awaaaay”)

That last lecture sort of released the tension and made me feel more ready to get back to studying. The other lectures were just a bad start, and the Economics teacher showed me that, well, basically I was still able to study. I hadn’t lost my student abilities in my year away. 

I felt more ready than I did before so I was happy I went there. I am starting to accept that I can’t rush myself into getting back to normal: it’s a process! I have to take my time with this anxiety.
Anyway, that was my story for today… I was hoping to get my experiences across but it’s harder than I thought it would be. I hope it was entertaining either way.

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Wise words

“I don’t really know how to explain anxiety, but if I were to give it a shot it would be somewhere along the lines of drowning in what seems to be the ocean but in reality is just a puddle.” – unknown 

Tomorrow I’ll be back with a budget proof recipe!

Vivian

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